When Did I Stop Believing I Wasn't Ready?
A reflection on how I let fear take the lead—and what it means to reclaim my voice, power, and purpose.
Imagine this with me—it’s 2018. A warm summer day in Downtown San Diego. You walk into a large warehouse building with brick walls and a space filled with live music, an art showcase, coffee and tea vendors, delicious food, and a buzz of creative energy. I was hosting an event for Coffee & Convos at the time I titled Unfiltered in collaboration with incredible artists and local businesses. I remember being so proud of everything coming together, yet terrified to go on stage, but I did it anyway. My “why” was so clear back then—to uplift artists and create meaningful spaces for community.
I had no idea what I was doing, but it felt so fulfilling to organize something that brought nearly 200 people together. Of course, there are a dozen things I would do differently now, but that moment—that version of me—was fully present.
She showed up.
I can’t pinpoint when the shift happened. When fear and doubt started to quietly creep in. There wasn’t one dramatic moment. It was subtle—a slow drift into hesitation. A year later, I launched a production company. Life sped up. Then slowed down. And somewhere along the way, I started to dim my light. I began deferring to others’ expertise and voices. I told myself I was just “being humble,” just “learning.” But truthfully, I had stopped trusting myself.
Sometimes the fear of being seen disguises itself as humility or patience.
I was building a business centered around championing others and their voices, and somehow, I convinced myself that my voice didn’t matter. I placed others on pedestals, believing they knew better than I did. Even when my intuition gently nudged me otherwise, I ignored it.
And beneath it all, there was another layer—the fear of success.
What if I couldn’t keep up once I finally got what I wanted? What if I got everything I dreamed of and then lost it all?
We often talk about the fear of failure, but no one tells you how deeply we can fear the weight of our own becoming.
Let that sink in for a bit.
This quote by Marianne Williamson has stayed with me for years. It's one I return to when I feel myself shrinking, second-guessing, or playing small to make others more comfortable.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. — Marianne Williamson
Each time I read it, I’m reminded—the point isn’t to wait until the fear is gone. It’s to move anyway. To reclaim my voice, my purpose, and my power—because others are watching. And when I do, it becomes a quiet invitation for them to do the same.
This season of my life is one of pivoting. I’ve lost things I thought were permanent—my 9-to-5, and most painfully, my Nanay. These losses woke me up. I had to shift. I had to find myself again.
And the truth is, the very things that are helping me return to myself are the things I had been afraid of showing up fully—Writing. Telling my story. Creating films and documentaries I care about. Sharing my pottery with others.
I’m no longer waiting for the perfect moment or permission from anyone else. The only better time to show up than before is now.
I’m learning to move forward with courage, even when fear lingers. Because fear isn’t a sign to stop—it’s an invitation to go deeper. To do it anyway.
So, I ask you—
When did you stop trusting yourself?
It’s a question many of us bump into at some point—quietly, gradually, or all at once. And if you have… that’s okay.
What I’ve come to realize is that it’s never too late to return to yourself. To rewrite the narrative. To begin again—with more wisdom, more softness, and deeper roots.
You are worthy of everything you desire—not just someday, but now.
So take the first step back. Show up scared if you have to. Reclaim your voice. And remind yourself of who you’ve always been.
If this resonated, I’d love to hear from you in the comments—or feel free to share this with someone who might need it too.
I’m honored to speak alongside an incredible group of panelists at The Disruptors Table this Sunday, the 18th, as part of a conversation on pivoting—a topic deeply personal to me in this current season.
If you’re local to San Diego and navigating change, embracing fear, or seeking clarity in your own journey, I’d love for you to be part of this gathering. Let's be in conversation about what it means to honor the pivots and reclaim our power. You can find tickets for the event here (they’re free/donation-based).
The reminder I needed today.